1. Against Inevitable Awkwardness
In 2015 I am challenged to cope with my awkwardness with new people. I got several opportunities that allow me to meet a lot of new people, and challenge me to get adaptive. and that remains my first challenge in the beginning year when I joined ALSA MUN, I have to move from a person who find it hard to socialize herself with strangers to the one who has to show that she has something to offer and is a person everyone should cooperate with. In PPAN Selection, I learned how being friendly does not always mean that you are a social climber but that we can always be sincere and maintain the good relations regardless our interests back then. I learned that the thing that has become my strongest barrier to improve is the ability to be an easy going person. That's why when I got the opportunity to participate in ASEAN Students' Forum on Human Rights, I tried my best to get myself talking to just anyone beside me, and I am beyond happy to know that the relations I build back then has so far remained good with several people. The thing I had been afraid of is to be labelled as a social-butterfly. But then I realise that I cannot whatsoever keep being introvert and stay in my comfort zone instead of experiencing an awkward moments. I believe I have to overcome my barrier to improve my personality. I am so grateful that in 2015, I got to meet so many people from different background who made me feel grateful for knowing them and having learnt novel things with their beautiful and distinct personality. Here is to my ALSA MUN Chapter Padjadjaran 2015, PPAN Selection Phase 3, AFHR 2015, UNHRC PadMUN, PNMHII XXVII, MSNS Chapter 2, and AsianSIL fellows. within every short meeting with you, there lies a praying as well as certainty that we are bound to meet again :)
2. The 'Keep Moving Forward'
It was not a smooth pathaway indeed, but it is not to be neglected that all the bad times I had in 2015 has shaped me into a person who knows when to quit dwelling in sadness and despair. I learned that disappointment is bound to happen no matter what. The great effort we ought to take every time we want to stand up after a tough times and bad hearbreaks. Those times when we thought that this probably is the other day of despair, but how the hell should we get back to our feet and stand tall? or another damn I got stumbled on the same hole again! Those are the times I put a lot of thoughts and efforts to self-motivate to reflect from my previous experiences, and once again harvest the courage to move. I, somehow meet my lowest point in the middle of the year, by lowest I mean is the time when I did not have any willingness to do anything new, the times when I am most afraid of the lights to be dim and never shines again. the times when I thought, yes this probably is the end. But I am so grateful that I had been given the courage to get up, from a terrible heart-break moments, from people who had put me in my lowest point, for friends who unintentionally said their scariest remarks to me, for strangers who had affected my decision to quit debate, and for people who considered me as a crybaby and a stubborn mortal. I told myself that happens for a reason. I told myself that the easiest way to prove that I am precisely like how they judge me as, is to dwell in my sadness and convince myself that they hold the power of my existence. I cannot thank Allah enough for all the chances I got in 2015, that somehow implicitly whispers to me "you know you could do better, but even now that you did not, He is still willing to help you out" And so I got up from my heart break, thinking that the time will eventually come to a girl like me, to experience the feeling of being sincerely loved by her loved ones. But then to other cases where I got slapped by moments and events and people's remarks, I did spend a great deal amount of time to move on, but now I understand the meaning of verse, throughout the hardships, there lies the ease. To the people who once gave me a tough time, thank you for doing so sooner.
I know 2015 has been the year of keep pushing beyond the limit. I received a lot of offers to in several organizations, organizing committees, teaching jobs, and volunteer activities. I knew by the time I said yes I just got myself another trouble if managing my time. But no, I did not regret that I held firmly to the knob of opened doors. Because I got to learn so many things. I learned that being late to meeting will cause a loss to people's time that can never be taken back. I learned that being a person who did their tasks past than the deadline is so much pain in the ass for their counterparts. I learned that not giving my best in every tasks I was assigned means a trait to the commitment I previously agreed upon. I learned that no matter how bad your condition is with your partner, work is work and private matters shall not be involved. And I learned that, the moment I do the aforementioned acts hurts my dignity of being professional. Because throughout the whole time of trying to juggle everything, to balance my priorities, the most hurtful statement a person could ever say is to judge me as not professional. But then it strikes me how I might be the only person who is trying so hard to do a good job. That other people most of the time just could not care any less about their job. And there lies a paradox of wanting to be understood for once, to do the things I am not supposed to do, to fight against my super ego, and in short, to be a rebel. But I just could not. Because having experienced how bad it is to be treated like that, I understood the pain of being the party who suffers the most.
4. The People
I am beyond thankful to befriend with the people who gave me a lot of lessons and loves and blessings and advises and everything I would not dare to exchange with anything. To those who have coloured my 2015, please stay the same :')
No comments:
Post a Comment