the builds up

some people are just too busy to care about others' feeling
some people, in the same time, are just too worry to hurt others' feeling

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which one are you?

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Today, I am in a deep sadness, of trying to get up and forget what hurt me, and thinking how it hurts me so bad, even up until now. They say, people who hurt others easily are never worth our feeling. But what if we cannot impede of being hurt?

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some people forget what the terrible things they did to others,
some people, just cannot simply escape, from the fact that they ever let themselves to do a terrible thing

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which one are you?

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Today, I realise, that no matter how hard you want to please others, you will always end up being undermined, or ignored, or even worse, blamed.

Dear self, do you ever consider yourself of being rude, just for this once? Like, doing all the things as you please without considering what harm might it do to others?

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do you ever realise, that through your simple denial in treating others well, they have taken so much time of their nights, thinking what faults did they ever do to you? because some people, are just too clueless that they are being treated badly. so clueless that they think it's their faults.

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I remember my Mum always said this to me, whenever I'm feeling down, dear, you have to be a strong, independent woman. don't bother to show your true colors to others, because they might consider it understandable to treat you as they please. and the question would be, will my mum be disappointed if her daughter, spent too much tim of her nights, contemplating about what kind of faults did she do that she deserved to be treated like that?

But if one ever asked me, why don't you just do anything as you please?

Dear, no matter how hard it is for me, I never want to do something terrible, when in fact I have a full control to prevent it. I know how bad it is, and it's justifiable that I should not do it to other people. Because by then, wont I be equivalent with a person whose character I despise?

Dear, it's okay if you are rude to me. It's okay if you scold me during my hard times. In fact, I am thankful for that. You give me a free trial, how to train my emotions, how to cope with pressure, and the fact that the world I live in today, is no longer a world full of apologies.

Dear, you've got a full control of your actions. And it is your decision how you want to utilise it.

be wise.