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Last night I asked my Mum, why does time fly so fast, that I barely realize I am entering my 5th terms? She said, there are two answers, you enjoyed your college life so much or you are just too preoccupied with your present time that you forget afterlife. 

While the first sentence gave me a relief feeling, the later gave me a goosebumps. however, i am here to write how delightful I was having heard it from my Mum. I remember it crystal clear, that I did not want to study in Unpad, that I despise it so much I even prayed not to get accepted in SNMPTN Undangan. But Allah is full of surprises, I am entering my fifth term, and things have been exciting and enthralling and challenging all at once. 

2015 has been a year of responsibilities to me. I accepted all the menus that I barely realized i took too much and its just too late to turn it back. At first, I sorta complimented myself to be able to manage my time. But then things are just too much to handle and it started to fall through my grasp. Reality bites. I cannot be the person I once desired. who can excel in anything she does. I came late to classes because I had things to get done at night, after having a continuous meeting each and everyday. I did not do the task willingly because I was too tired to proofread, I even remembered I had typhus, and I haven't done my essay for the exam, and so I did it 12 hours before its due. Lucky me I could still nail it. But what if the luck was not on my side?

The other impacts is that I lose my focus. I often skipped things though I have put it on my schedule and to do lists, I replied to messages really really slow, because I couldn't concentrate in giving a right answer. People often misunderstood that I simply refused to reply, when in fact, the only time I had when I could spend to carefully read through it, is after I got back to my dorm. 

HOWEVER, it was all worthwhile. in spite of the consequences, I got new buddies, like a lot. I even began to assume that I might have shifted to be the extrovert, but I didnt haha, my personalty is still INTJ. On June, when things finally slowed down, I acquainted myself with the nearest warteg to my dorm and had a little chitchat with my friends. I realized that when I was too preoccupied with my activities, other things are developing too, in a sense that it got better, or even worse. Among the things I have been doing, there are activities that are just so different. I volunteered in Indonesia Pintar Jatinangor and PFuze, two of them are basically an organization that empowers local society, to escape from the capitalization of Jatinangor, which has long marginalised and exacerbated their conditions. The other is MUN-IR and Indonesia Berbicara. Come to think about it, I find a stark difference. In an all academic surroundings where we are obliged to wear formal attire and deliver speech for the whole sessions, I often thought about how some people do not even know that this very activity exist. Or the issue we are currently discussing is worth debated. And within that, the irony lies.

I started to contemplate about what I should be doing, because if I go all academic, I would forget how bad the condition is in the very environment I am residing. I think balancing my activities is important, to stay sane, to keep on track, to be able to dream high yet look downside. And the bewilderness develops into a matter of benefit. whether or not the things I am doing is giving an impact. how do people see me? Do I seem fake? Trying to constructing of how I want to be perceived? In fact, it is so damn impossible to stop caring about how people perceive us. because deep down, it matters. Society approval is everything at this very phase of life. 

I also worry if my professionalism is being questioned because I often procrastinate due to my bad time management. I was easily depressed to be ignored at Line, without firstly realized that I used to ignore the chats. And so I learned, it is not nice to be ignored. It is not nice to be put at the least priority. It is not nice to be taken for granted. But beside all of the wisdom, I learned that in order to be good, there are things we ought to sacrifice. Sometimes its feeling, getting turned down should be okay. Sometimes it is in a form of time, when I whined a lot when my schedule was ruined because of somebody. 

I learn what it's like to be in that particular shoes. 

Sometimes it's not nice, but most of the time, it's worth to remember.