Closure

There are people who, no matter how short the time you spent with them, you just cannot seem to escape from life they give within that period.

In the course of four months, I have been living in constant thoughts, of what ifs and rewinding the old movies all over.

And I find it sickening, but it just seems inevitable. I know it's not healthy to invest on the thoughts of what was so wrong with myself, how could I improve myself at that time If there were any chance, or will there ever be any port of ends towards all of this  so called temporary feeling.

Because,

so much to say that I healed myself from the broken heart, I have yet completely gained my strength back to focus more on myself and disregard all the irrelevant feelings, memories, and anxieties which entail. So much to say that I do not expect any of this to resume, I am just in need of closure, and to enable myself to forgive what went wrong and only cherish the good memories back then--without any lingering regrets as to why it should happen at all.

But then again,

how could I forgive myself?

for being too rushy.

for having told myself to just give it a try.

and now here I am.

all drown in my own bewilderment.

I just need a good closure.

So I can move on and forgive myself.

that it was, anyway, good memories, period.

Jakarta, 23rd of February 2017.

-

I know that at one point of my life I am going to thank you for the slight door you opened, for the lesson you let me learn and becoming someone who mattered in my process of growing.

today I am more than relieved to say that I am happy for you.

Thank you for taking part in shaping me into a solid rock that I am today.

Bandung, 26th of April 2017.