Kontempelasi

Hai! Apakabar?

Sudah lumayan lama juga sejak post saya yang terakhir. So how's life? Well, jujur aja hari ini lagi sedih banget. Uhm sedih tuh seakan kata yang terlalu berlebihan but yes I cried pretty much. Saya nggak tau apa karena ini hanya pms atau memang karena semuanya udah terlalu numpuk untuk sekedar dijadikan Ah lupain aja deh atau Ya ajalanin aja sih. Lalu sebenarnya kenapa ya?

Semuanya mungkin berawal pas saya lihat pengumuman kepanitiaan acara di jurusan yang prestisius banget. And it turned out tha I didn't get accepted. Saya nggak tau kenapa saya harus bereaksi se-berlebihan itu tapi tetiba aja saya nangis, dan segalanya jadi kerasa salah banget. Saya ngerasa scumbag, it seemed like I've never done anything right in my whole life. Though I know it's kinda hyperbolic but everything took its turn to show me that it's exactly like how I visioned it. Saya ngerasa setelah rentetan keberuntungan saya hingga  januari kemarin, rasanya pelan-pelan segalanya kayak bilang no, darling, hold on, it's not that easy.

And I don't really know why it matters this  much.

Until recently I've joint three debating competition. Dan saya mulai ngerasa, why didn't I make any improvement? Saya ngerasa kalau mungkin ini bukan path saya. I had this scary thought that maybe I just simply will never be good enough at this field. But then I realised, it's my own thoughts which control everything that happen to me. It will eventually work out.

So how's college? Yah begitulah. Semakin hari pikiran saya semakin terbuka. Things got so much complicated, dikarenakan terus-terusan dicekokin berbagai perspektif dan realita. Tapi smeuanya ngebuat aku sadar, ngga bakal pernah ada masa dimana I'm good enough and don't need to try harder. Karena by the time I conclude so, people are all trying so hard to be better. having a thought that I have been good enough will only make me left behind.

Oh dear, I don't know where else I could get these kind of lessons if it's not here.

Alhamduillah.