"Yaudah.... Dhil doain aku ya #PrayforNisa #Mayherlifegetsbettersoon"
"Iya iya semoga itunya lancar Amiiiin daah amiiiin segala-galanya"
"Gaaaaaak. Gak bukan itu. My life has just necome so messy these days"
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2. C. Penyebab dengki: Tidak mensyukuri nikmat Allah.
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Maybe this post seems to be hard to understand, ah you don't need to either. I've been waiting for that time. Since 2 years ago. When my Dad kept telling me what would we be on the next days. When my mom kept telling me that "You can, Your Dad can, and we can" that we'd catch a moon instead of stars. I've been waiting for that time, when i feel like i'm good. When i finally realize that i am good and nothing is wrong with being myself. If i have to be honest, i don't want to feel that kind of feeling. When i can't stop asking "Why me? Why problems keep haunting my life? Why these days seem to be harder gradually? Why can't i have my dreams? Why me? Why not others?" When i finally felt like a whoa. When i finally realized that i've been messing with myself, with my life. When i just realize that i haven't moved any further yet. That i'm still here, when everybody's having their life. Me, Myself, just don't try to get what life is.
Pathetic. I keep telling to be thankful for what i've got in my posts. But i don't even do it. Last few days i've been thinking too much. I've been rewinding what did i do, and what the impacts. That day, when i decided where would i continue my next high school is the most stupid decision. How couldn't i read my own ability? How could i be that optimistic? How could i insist my will instead of listened to what's my parents and teachers advised? And why the hell i still keep regretting those all? That day when i decided to work together with my friends on science National Examination, that time when i believed in their thought instead of mine, is the cruelest thing i did. How couldn't i believe in my own ability? In fact that i had been busy with those work sheets, and i still couldn't count myself in? That day, when i decided to be careless. That day, when i realized that stranger would end up in stranger is so freaking true. I couldn't love myself like how i used to. I've been so cruel to myself lately. Blaming everything instead of making things better. Making things work.
Well then, can anybody tell me what i suppose to do? Because i'm feeling like i don't do anything in my whole life.
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Ya Allah, forgive me for being this thankless. Forgive me for being blind in seeing what i've got and how lucky i am.
Ya, cukup curhatnya. Ya Allah, kayaknya keluarga yang bahagia kaya gini juga udah lebih dari cukup buat hamba. Semoga hamba bisa selalu menjaga dan mensyukuri setiap nikmat yang Engkau berikan :)
Well then, aku sadar, banding-bandingin hidup aku sma yang lain tuh gak akan pernah ada habisnya dan malah bikin aku makin down. Setiap orang punya jalannya masing masing, believe it. Allah knows the best!
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