February 18, 2011


I sometimes hate being in this ages. I laugh but then i cry. I get angry easily but i can smile a moment later. I get envy easily to they who have a high intelligent, wearing a veil but could adapt so easy, and... they're so close with Allah. Alhamdulillah, i've never been jealous watching people who always follow trends. No offense, bcs i'm not going to write abt that things.

I sometimes feel lonely. Being the one who always face every things by her own. I do feel invincible, but it doesn't mean i can always face every troubles i made. There's a time i feel so low, so hopeless like there's nothing left to worth fighting for. Sometimes i feel like everyone avoids me. I feel like no one cares about me. I sometimes feel i'm having the worst teenage times ever. If that kind of things happen, i'll stay in my bedroom and cry. All night long.

You know, sometimes when i cry i feel better. I feel like there's still someone's there taking care of me, and telling me that pains will go away sooner. That there's no sadness will stay long last. I just realized that i'm a bit quite with my personal life nowadays. Since a big-news hit me last year. Since every things go worse and worse. but now i'm just asking my self that, Hey NIs who would solve all of this if not you? Who would go this life if not you?

Sometimes i feel that no one needs my presence. When i was Junior High School i feel like i'm in my very perfect teenage life. I got almost every things i wanted. every body will be there whenever i need them. For example, when i typed ":(" on my status update, there will be at least 3 people asked me "Kenapa?" but now, things change and they leave. No, they don't leave me, they just have something more important than me. They just have their own life they should've taken care. And neither do I.

So now, i learn to courage myself, making up my mind and change my perception of life, and the very important thing is not to depend myself-moodbooster on someone, because they will never always be there for me. I'll look around and asking myself how blessed i am to be alive until this second, to have a super duper wooper great family, and friends who always be my inspiration. There's something i haven't said in my whole life yet,

I love you, life. For letting me down and pushing me up. For giving me a smile and making me cry.
Ya Allah, thanks for giving me chance to keep alive until this second. To meet this great people. To have the greatest buddies that others probably won't have.

"....I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again, on my own, and i know, that i'm strong enough to mend and everytime i feel afraid, i hold tight into my faith and i live one more day, and i make it through the rain..."

Mariah Carey - Through the Rain

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