Faith

To believe in something you are unable to see.

To hold on no matter how long for the lights by the end of the tunnel,

To surrender for the fact that we are nothing

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For so long, I had been captivated by my own thought--that I am good to go. That I can leave anything which no longer excites me or put that on my least priority. I decided to go when the door was yet to close. I buried all pains and sorrow at the loneliest corner of myself. I showed the world how strong I could appear to be--by shedding no tears and showering them with apology and gratitude. I thought I am good to go.

I covered myself with shield, so that people realize I have a heart as spacious as an ocean. That I will be the first one who reach out to offer a help, regardless I am about to drown. So when someone actually pulled over to accompany, I hide in my own jungle and told them I am good on my own. One, two, three of them decided to pull back. I told myself in the loudest silence, I am not going to settle.

I know I can always be a push over to those who pulled over. I know I can always tag them along, and appear as needy and hopeless as I can. But I lose faith in words and its sincerity. I lose faith in gimmicks and sugarcoating statements. I lose faith in people who are still wandering around and mistaken me for their home.

As I opened my eyes this morning, I know I have nowhere to go but Him.

I finally know why have I been so stubborn to be independent,

Because I rely on Him.